Pākehā Party predictions – you heard them here first

Don Brash will get in touch with the Facebook page, suggesting he and a few mates come hang out over a liquid lunch.  Shortly afterwards the Pākehā Party will name Mr Brash as their leader, and they will have a new logo.  It will look a bit like a Union Jack.

Winston Peters will strongly support the Pākehā Party, and offer to go into partnership with them.  Neither party will refer to this as a Treaty.

John Key will be comfortable with the Pākehā Party, and will defend them publically: “Look, the
Pākehā Party is a bit like pornography, some of us love it, some of us don’t.  I look forward to having another group at the post-election table to talk with.  We think we can work together.  Especially if they bring their pornography.”

Helen Clark will call the Pākehā Party “haters and wreckers”.

Susan Devoy will have to leave her position at the Human Rights Commission, after Māori TV, using a fair-skinned reporter with an English alias, break the story she has been involved with setting up the Pākehā Party constitution.

The same Māori TV exclusive will point to a web of Pākehā New Zealanders who have joined the Pākehā Party through their Facebook Closed Group.  This was set up by Don Brash when some of his mates, who have Asian wives, were squeamish about joining publically.  It will include many MPs who currently belong to other parties in parliament.

Bro’town will run a special Christmas edition at the end of this year, just to mock the Pākehā Party.  It will be too easy to write the script, and the Naked Samoans will decide they need greater challenges so will move to Australia, where the racism is sometimes more subtle.

David Shearer will not be sure where he stands on the Pākehā Party.  Parekura Horomia will be missed greatly, again, as Shane Jones will get distracted by the pornographic possibilities and will not say very much at all.

The Greens, Mana and the Māori Party will have no trouble articulating how ridiculous it is, on colonised land, to have a white supremacist party getting significant mainstream media attention and airtime.  This will make no difference to mainstream media coverage of the Pākehā Party, which will remain largely ahistorical and occasionally doting.

Chris Trotter will write a piece in which he blames the Pākehā Party formation on feminists and gays playing identity politics.  If only Labour would get back to focussing on working class men, he opines, the Pākehā Party vote could be all theirs.

Hone Harawira will suggest the Pākehā Party adopt this as their slogan for the next election:
“What do we want?  Everything.  When do we want it?  We’ve already got it, and we don’t want to give any of it back.”  This will prompt a number of complaints of racism to the Human Rights Commission.

The next Human Rights Commissioner, after Susan Devoy’s resignation, will be Paul Henry.  His role in the Pākehā Party, because declared openly, will not be considered a problem in appointing him. 

And finally, more people who live in New Zealand will start spelling Pākehā correctly.  Thank you, Pākehā Party.

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