After John Key told us who he fancied while hanging with his mate Tony, he got taken to task by the usual man-haters. Why shouldn’t he be able to talk about how he wished he could shag hot chicks? And who wouldn’t want to get the action Shane Warne and Tiger Woods get?
Liz Hurley should be stoked John the man fancies her. And of course he’s “comfortable” appearing on Tony Veitch on his radio show weekly. Why shouldn’t he? Tony tried to give that chick he was with some money, and she still kept on about that little fight they had when she hurt herself. Sheesh, some women are never satisfied. She should be done for blackmail I reckon, poor ol’ Tone.
Now there’s some more uptight killjoys who don’t like the Rock, cos of their new Win-A-Wife competition, run through MediaWorks. Some chick called ScubaNurse has even shown people where to complain about it and shit. Unbelievable.
The Rock say:
But we’re not going to give this opportunity to just anybody … to weed out the no-hopers and time-wasters, we’ve developed the application form below. If you’re interested in holy matrimony with a potentially hot foreign chick, fill it out to the best of your abilities. If we pick you, you’ll be heading to the Ukraine with 12 nights’ accommodation with $2000 spending money to meet the lucky lady!
Then they ask really good questions, bro. Like the stupidest thing you’ve done to score a girl, your worst sexual experience, and the thing that sets your craziest ex apart from other nut-jobs cos all women are nuts. I reckon eh, I might give this a go, that last chick I balled was such a bitch afterwards, she just kept going on about her needs and crap. Like I care.
The best thing about this competition though, is even if I don’t win (and I reckon I might), The Rock have pointed us to the Endless Love Agency, which is how get the chicks from the Ukraine over here. They have hundreds of ladies aged 18 to 52, and their website nails it:
After over 10 years of experiance, travel and research I choose Ukraine as having the best quality of ladies to match New Zealand men.
There are hundreds of single, genuine, loving, loyal, faithfull and stunningly beautiful women from endless love agency waiting for you now in Ukraine. While western culture continues to erode the values that we once treasured like husband, wife and family life Ukraine women have never lost these values. Ukraine women are very intelligent, feminine, romantic and value home cosiness and warmth.
If only more western women were, well, so home cosy and warm, not so, damn, eroding and stuff. I wouldn’t have to try to Win-A-Wife. Oh well, she won’t be able to speak English either, which is a bonus. And she won’t be able to get away.
Man, that reminds me, MediaWorks are awesome in every way. You seen those new billboards for Channel 4? They are hot as. Naked chicks, and even one with a cake saying “backstabbing sluts”. Love that shit. There were some guys talking about it on the radio yesterday, not the Rock couldn’t get it, but the National Programme. Talking about how only about five people will complain, and there’s really no point anyway. Apparently one of the billboards even says “go on then, complain” but puts the wrong organisation up. It’s the Advertising Standards Authority, not the Broadcasting Standards – ha, guess they got the uptight lesbos fooled, huh?
But seriously, why would you want to complain? The world’s gone mad. Bring on the naked chicks I say. And I know who I’m voting for next election – it’s John the man of course, not that dyke pussy Goff. Where’s my beer?